Be You

I knelt to stare into my daughter's eyes inside the front of the beauty supply store. A few people walked around us, some oblivious, a couple curious as to what we were doing.
Sustaining self, gaining wisdom, securing a future, loving each other...
We had gone into the store to purchase a new nail polish color. After the trip to Indiana and the manicure and pedicure from Kayla, complete with jewels secured to the top of each finger, I decided it was time for my daring preschooler to chose her own nail color. No more of modest mom's pale pink or barely there beige...it was time for Marissa to assert her independence with her own nail color choice.
As we were perusing the choices, many more than I dreamed there would be, Marissa's gaze latched upon the brightest and darkest pink I've ever seen. "I want this one," she said.
"Oh," I replied, a bit of "Oh, boy!" detectable in my tone.
"I do. I want this one," she said.
By now a woman and her teenaged daughter giggled behind us and stated "You're in trouble."
We started talking about Marissa's personality and such and about how much more "boring" I was than her. Then, about how Jaime never wanted manicures and such, either. Then I saw Marissa put the nail polish back and reach for the palest pink shade within her reach. My heart seemed to fall to my knees.
I stopped teasing with the woman and her daughter, and knelt to Marissa's vision, our eyes gazing into each other. No one else mattered. "What are you doing?" I asked her.
"I want this one," she said.
"Because you think Mommy wants you to have this one?" I asked.
She nodded. I took the pale pink shade and put it back on the shelf, then plucked the chosen pink from the line below it. "Is this the one you really want?"
"I want to be like you," she said.
"I want you to be YOU," I said. I hugged her tightly, wishing I could pour my love into her, let her experience the joy I have in her just "being." "This is the one I want you to have," I said. "I love it. It will look so beautiful on you."
Her smile beamed as she took the polish. "I love it," she stated, the joy back in her voice.
My heart seemed to leap into the sky. My love for her and my respect for who Marissa "is" deepened even more. "I love everything about you," I told her, flashes of her boisterous personality and glee in living flashing like scenes in my mind. The ladies behind us discreetly backed away. I had forgotten they were there until they tried to become unknown.
"I don't want you any other way but who God made you to be," I told her. "You are special and I love you just the way you are."
I made sure she looked me in the eyes when I spoke the words to her, wanting her to feel my earnest words, the expression of my heart that cannot be expressed as deeply as I feel it.
I stood then, taking her hand and reaching up to the rows of polish. "What other color do you like?" I asked her.
"Another one?" she asked.
"Pick another one you really like. Not something you think I would like," I added.
Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she reached for a super dark purple.
"Okay," I said. "Let's get this one, too."
"That's enough. I don't need any more," she said.
I smiled. "I think you're right." But I added a sparkle glitter polish and a vial of pearly flowers to the counter. Just the items to top off the colors she chose from a four-and-a half year-old's desires.
Today a heart was restored with love and reassurance. My daughter felt that she is loved for herself, and our bond was strengthened. For I know that the love between a mother and her child can never be too strong.