Who Carried Me Today?

Life is so full of choices...each year we plan, each day we plan, sometimes down to the moment. While planning is good, our productiveness depends on what we plan, and on what we measure our success.
For several years of my life I have tried so hard to live intentionally. I've tried to look to God as the source of my contentment and joy, my life plans. But, I've never tried to live intentionally AND with an eternal perspective.
Not as deeply as I have since Jaime died.
Now life is so much more vivid. Colors are more intense, more striking. Words slice deeper. Love's roots have reached deeper and broadened more fully. Meaningless items are overlooked, my senses and spirit purer and more attuned to the eternal riches in store.
What a gift to be given and one I pray I do not squander.
Lord, keep me in step with your plans. Help me to be your child; help me to cry "Father" in every moment of my life journey. Let me look to you with the oneness you intended when I was created in your plan. Help me to be a gift and joy to others in my life.
Lord, help me to be the wife and help mate you intended me to be when you made my husband, then me, four months later.
Lord, let me be the mother my children need because of the special way you knitted them together with me in mind.
Who did I listen to today when your gentle spirit sang? Who did I listen to as I walked this world that I am in, but not of? Who will I listen to in my times of need or joy or distress tomorrow or the next day or next? Help it to always be You. Help me to make You recognizable when someone angers me or hurts me. Help me to seek You when I need You and when I think I don't. Help me to be an image of You.
I thought I tried to be this way before, Lord, but You have shown me that sometimes we only think we live before we lose someone so close to us, Lord. I know one of my dearest possessions is gone and forever with You, so my trust and faith are rooter deeper, spread out farther as I walk my faith each day and not just believe in your words and promises. I am being carried by You in them and it means so much more, Lord. So much more.
Life is more fragile now.
Please let it mean even more tomorrow. Let it mean even more the next day, and the next. Let each day that passes look faithless in comparison. Let each day please You.
I know I can't do it.
I know when I am in your arms You can do it.
I realize I was trying to walk with you before.
Now I just want to be carried.