Yes, She's Mine and I Love Her Fiercely!

I love to talk about adoption; I love encouraging mothers to follow the stirring in their heart to add another child to their family, the one that grew in their heart, instead of their womb. As a mother to three, two biological and one adopted, I know there is NO difference in the love felt toward each child. There is not one of them I wouldn't die for, not one I love any less than the others.
I guess that's why as Marissa grows older, I am getting less patient, less tolerant of strangers stopping me at the store and asking ignorant questions in front of my daughter. My daughter is a person, and although she's as cute as a poster child, she isn't one, isn't a mannequin, isn't a mindless twit who can't understand a word they're saying. My daughter is a very intelligent and sensitive person, which of course makes her accutely aware of what is happening around her. She is a child shaping the image she holds of herself and the world at each moment.
When someone approaches us at the store and wants to know if she is adopted, I want to know if it is any of their business. I think in the future any ignorant person (realize I stated ignorant)who dares to ask me this type of question in front of Marissa will get the first response that dares roll off my tongue.
Last week a saleslady at Dillards asked if Marissa was my daughter. When I told her "yes," she gave an expression of surprise and stated that she must look like her father. The ignorance and total lack of tact is what really got me, but the more I thought about it, I really was appalled that people have to even ask or state stupid comments. Marissa listened intently as the woman continued. I have to add that I realize that she also listens just as intently to what and how I answer. When the woman commented that she must look like her father, I just smiled. Later, she said other things I found just as annoying, and also added with a questioning and confused look before we left, that Marissa had an "almost asian" look to her.
For those who may be reading and do not know me, I usually love to talk to people, love to meet strangers, but I think it's time to realize that Marissa has heard me explain her story many times, not only to her, but strangers, friends, family, etc..... She realizes nosy and ignorant people when she sees them, too. Part of teaching her, liberating her to be comfortable in her own skin and family includes her learning that she doesn't have to tell her story to everyone either. The day will come when she will be the one people ask and she needs to know that we don't have to discuss her life with everyone or anyone who has a curiosity - ignorant or not. Maybe someday when someone asks us something we don't want to answer we can ask them if they were born vaginally or C-section. Or maybe we can ask something else that isn't our business.