Today when we were at Target, many people, as usual came up to tell me how pretty Marissa is. One Asian woman in particular commented several times and kept coming over close to look at Marissa. After a few minutes she came back and remarked again about how pretty she is then, she boldly asked if she is a "mixed race." She actually shocked me for a second, not that we haven't been asked the same thing before, but just with the way she asked it, and right in front of Marissa.
I told her we weren't sure, that Marissa was from China, however she lived very close to Viet Nam. The woman said "Well, then her dad must be Vietnamese," and she was gone. She of course, remarked again how pretty she is. I guess that makes any intrusive questioning worth it in her eyes. I usually gently correct people by using the appropriate verbiage such as "Birth Father," but I really don't think she would have understood, and she was gone too quickly anyway.
What bothered me is that Marissa is old enough to absorb and understand the questioning, so later at home (although she seemed fine at the store with the woman) I asked her in a quiet moment if she minded people asking questions about her and where she used to live and such. She thought a moment and told me that it didn't matter. I said, "It does matter if it bothers you. What do you think when people ask those questions?" She said it was okay. I said, "It is your story and we don't have to tell it if you don't want to." She said, "But, Mom. It's your story, too." Then she told me she loved me and showed me the hand sign for "I love you." I did the same and with her hand still making the sign, she made it hug mine. I love my precious little girl, but I told her that if she changes her mind and doesn't want people asking questions about her, that is okay with me. When she is ready to let people know that her story isn't their business, we will.
I told her we weren't sure, that Marissa was from China, however she lived very close to Viet Nam. The woman said "Well, then her dad must be Vietnamese," and she was gone. She of course, remarked again how pretty she is. I guess that makes any intrusive questioning worth it in her eyes. I usually gently correct people by using the appropriate verbiage such as "Birth Father," but I really don't think she would have understood, and she was gone too quickly anyway.
What bothered me is that Marissa is old enough to absorb and understand the questioning, so later at home (although she seemed fine at the store with the woman) I asked her in a quiet moment if she minded people asking questions about her and where she used to live and such. She thought a moment and told me that it didn't matter. I said, "It does matter if it bothers you. What do you think when people ask those questions?" She said it was okay. I said, "It is your story and we don't have to tell it if you don't want to." She said, "But, Mom. It's your story, too." Then she told me she loved me and showed me the hand sign for "I love you." I did the same and with her hand still making the sign, she made it hug mine. I love my precious little girl, but I told her that if she changes her mind and doesn't want people asking questions about her, that is okay with me. When she is ready to let people know that her story isn't their business, we will.
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